Experts offer advice to those grieving the loss of a parent during the international holiday.

Social media can be a difficult place to navigate on Father’s and Mother’s Day when you don’t have one or both in your life.

An overwhelming feed with posts of people with their parents can induce one’s grief over the loss of their own parent. For some, various mental issues may overcome them as they think back to their memories and long for a future they weren’t able to share.

Whether this is the first Father’s Day after the loss of a father, or the 20th, experts say the pain remains valid.

Dr. Serina Tetenov, clinical director of the Adult Mental Health and Wellness section at the University of Rochester Medical Centre, told Doha News that grief does not have an expiration date.

“While there is no expiration date, grief can appear to subside sooner for some but seem to last longer for others. In all cases, grief can be triggered by a memory, a favorite scent, or an activity that reminds loved ones of the person they lost,” she said.

Experts say the loss of a parent, on Father’s and Mother’s day, is one that may carry the same pain the person felt at the time of their death. 

Dr. Tetenov noted that one can feel “very tearful” on such days and feel “profound sadness, experience increased irritability, or even have feelings of anger.”

“When someone loses a parent, Father’s Day and Mother’s Day can be especially painful. It is not uncommon for those who have lost a parent to experience grief symptoms similar to what they experienced when the parent died,” Dr. Tetenov said.

For those with Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) caused by the loss of a parent, such holidays can be particularly triggering.

“The holiday can be a source of great emotional pain and anguish. Some might find that the holiday induces recollections of the many Mother’s and Father’s Days that were once enjoyed with a parent as this is often followed by feelings of tremendous loss that can be difficult to console,” she said.

‘Loss of what one was and no more’

Dr. Tetenov noted that the loss of a parent is one that is “devastating for an adult and child” thus affecting people regardless of age, with differing age groups experiencing varying levels of grief. 

Listing examples of the different reasons behind the grief in adults, she said that the pain is centred on “what they once had with their parent(s) and may long for times gone by.” 

Meanwhile, younger adults may grieve the loss of “what could have been”, from their first career, the birth of their first child among other key milestones they have marked without the presence of their parents.

For children, Dr. Tetenov said, the focus is on the present.

“If a parent regularly did activities with the child after school, they may wonder who is going to take them to soccer practice on Tuesdays or play catch with them in the backyard on Fridays,” she explained.

Dr. Tetenov added, “These are all examples of loss; of what once was possible and is now no more.”

Navigating Father’s and Mother’s Day

With 18 June being Father’s Day, some may be marking the day for the first time since losing a father. 

Dr. Tetenov recommended that those who recently lost their father’s surround themselves with family and friends who loved their parent as it is also their first year without him.

“If you have siblings, talk to each other about what it feels like and what it means to you at this time. Be a comfort to each other by respectfully sharing memories and listening to each other.  Chances are, you are each coping differently but will feel the loss equally,” she advised.

Another piece of advice for those who lost a parent is to take the time to work through their feelings, which can be poured out on a piece of paper or even one’s mobile phone notes. She recommended that one must go at their own pace with their grief.

“There is no rush. You will feel some sadness but you will also remember happy times. Just let the feelings happen naturally,” she said.

Dr. Tetenov added that one must not hide their emotions and not be afraid of expressing them to those are ready to listen. Whilst seeking professional help is important and recommended, reaching out to friends is also important.

On the other hand, people with friends who have lost a parent, can also reach out to them on such days to help ease the pain and let them know they’re not alone.

“Let them know you are there and available to spend time with them. Let them decide how they would like to navigate your offer,” she said, noting that there is no “right” way to say things and the presence itself is helpful.

Loved ones can also acknowledge the difficulty of the loss and feel sad even if they are the support system.

“Consider tagging along for errands or offer to pick up groceries or dinner.”

While the pain is often centred on the memories one shared with their parents, the expert said that one can also spend time with their loved one’s memory. This can be done by doing an activity their parent enjoyed or even listening to their favourite music.

While the grief does not have its own deadline, the expert assured that coping with the loss can become easier with time.

“As loved ones continue to cope with loss, day-to-day tasks become easier. Yet, some will experience deep emotional responses to these reminders. Over time, these responses may become less intense, and some may go extended periods with no grief responses at all,” Dr. Tetenov said.